Look at this girl. I feel like it was only yesterday that I was holding her in my arms. An 8 lb. 9 oz. bundle of big brown eyes and brunette hair.
I feel like it was just yesterday I was learning about eczema and food allergies and spending too much money on beautiful little dresses from Nordstrom.
I feel like only yesterday she was teaching me how to me a mom. Teaching me that sometimes it's REALLY HARD. And that it's not all magical and natural. That sometimes I would hand her to her daddy the MOMENT he walked in the door and I'd run to Target where I'd walk in circles and cry because I was so overwhelmed.
That after a few minutes of this I'd miss her desperately and hurry back home.
That first year was a beautiful and terrible whirlwind all at once. At first I disliked it and loved it in equal measures. Then slowly, slowly…I figured it out and the love won over the desperation. She taught me how to be her mother. How to get over myself. How to learn 100 percent that it's not always about me. I learned how to become truly selfless. How to breathe.
I learned that most of the time I have no idea what I'm doing but that we would learn together.
I learned that motherhood is a scary and wonderful thing. It's messy and frustrating and awe-inspiring and terrible and beautiful.
She was and is my saving grace.
And in a little over a week she will be EIGHT. It has been such a joy and such an honor watching her grow into the kind, tenderhearted, and talented little girl that she is.
We still butt heads. We always will because we are cut from the same overly-sensitive cloth.
But oh, this girl. This girl is love.
The other day we were talking about daddy going away again for a while. I kind of expected tears about missed birthdays, plays, and other things. But y'all. It makes me teary just thinking about it.
She said…It's okay mommy! We've done it so many times and we will do it again and be just fine. It's just another one of our adventures. We will miss daddy so much, but we will make memories and take lots of pictures to tell him about it.
And then she whispered in my ear…"Mommy my heart hurts and I want to cry. But I mainly just want to be strong and happy."
Harper Elizabeth, I am so proud of you.